My PIX11 @ 10 Top 10

As you may or may not know, I work freelance in the TV news arena.  Living in suburban Connecticut, I had always preferred to get my news from New York City.   Quite frankly, the Hartford and New Haven stations aren't relevant to me.  A Dunkin Donuts armed robbery in Prospect doesn't mean a rat's patootie when you live in lower Fairfield County.

My go-to station as a youngster was Channel 5 WNEW back in the days of John Roland. If you are old enough, you'll remember when they covered such hard-hitting (and scary!) stories such as the Son of Sam murders and that real-life Travis Bickle, Bernhard Goetz.  Then the station changed names and became FOX 5 WNYW as it remains today.  In my opinion, Fox 5 is the McDonald's of metropolitan news.  Channel 11 has always been close second, so we'll refer to it as Burger King.  But hold on: There's been some changes as of late. (Well, since last October, but pardon me all over the place….I'm slow!)

PIX 11 slightly tweaked their 10 o'clock show.  Slightly?  Well, they did a complete overhaul.  Have you seen it?  Do you like it?  Well, who cares what you think….I love it!  And you know what?  I'd also rather eat at Burger King!  That's right.  I was once a die hard Fox 5 fan, but I've jumped ship like you wouldn't believe.  And I've got sound reasoning to back up my decision.

This new format is absolutely a "love it or hate it" thing.  There is no in between, and that's not up for debate.  It's been bashed to high hell, being called everything from "assembly line newscasting" to "an iphone app".  Never one to flow with the critics, I have a different opinion.  And I've been taking notes.  So now, with no further ado, here's my top 10 reasons for watching the revolutionary new PIX11 at 10.

10.  The A Block, AKA The Pix 11 at 10:  Yes, they use trade terminology talking about rundowns and blocks.  Why not just tell the audience about thumbsuckers and evergreens?  I'll let that slide.  Moving on, I like the little story preview icons that run on the bottom of the screen.  Not that I need to know what the next 5 stories are going to be, but it's kind of cool.  I like their green screen setup.  I like the whole walking through the studio.  Like, like, like.

9.  The Editorializing:  I'm taking this show with a grain of salt and loving every minute of it.  Once the, ahem, "hard" news is out of the way, it's off to the races.  Who's the guy who stands in front of the stone wall and does his spiel?  Well, I like the After Effects graphics on the building.  Clever.  Greg Mocker does a good job as well.  People gotta be cringing when the PIX11 News Team shows up at their door.

8. They Stand Up For The Little Guy:  All the consumer affairs segments they do, as well as segments like "Ugliest House Contest".  I approve.  Sure, they're trashy, but by all accounts, living in the metropolitan area can be a real miserable experience.  I'm glad these guys are blowing the whistle on scumbag landlords, swindling contractors and shifty politicians.  I like the consumer advocate who wears the pith helmet.  Where is he going?  On a safari?  You want to be memorable on screen?  Get a signature hat, problem solved.

7.  Monica Morales: She has a nice voice.

6. Mr. G's Weather: Well, I'm not a *huge* fan, but he seems like a pleasant enough man and you gotta know what the forecast is for tomorrow, right?


5. They Moved Kaity Tong Out Of The Studio And Put Her On Some Island: N/T

4. The Lincoln Strictly Business Report: And that it is.  Stocks and a few quick biz stories.  And I like that music bed they occasionally use.  No, not that one.  The other one.  You know I'd like to take this opportunity to point out that the PIX 11 10 o'clock graphics are very minimalist, but it all works well.  No lightning bolts or crazy-ass chrome lettering.  Lots of black screen, but like Thelonious Monk said, it's not the notes you play, it's the notes you DON'T play.

3. They Only Do One Minute of Sports:  Thank God.  Not that I have anything against big league competitive games, but if I want the scores, I'll watch ESPN.

2. Lionel:  He's radical, he's subversive.  I love his rants.  Not something you'd see in your typical newscast.  Maybe because most typical NY newscasts are focused on the score of the Yankee's game and 4 weather hits.  This isn't your typical crybaby liberal stuff like, "Oh, Michele Bachman doesn't know about the Revolutionary War.  Look at me, I'm so smug."  No, what Lionel is doing is subtlety working his viewers into a lather that may end in a coup d'état.  In a very non-polarized manner, I might add.  At the very least, he's getting people to think about their government.

I just get the feeling they're gonna take ol' Lionel away in the middle of the night, OR he's going to incite this country into revolution.  Until then, whichever comes first, I'm tuned in.  BTW, this guy knows how to write a tease.  Producers, if you want your audience to stick around, take a cue from Lionel.

1. Jodi:  The News Vixen of the Tri-State area, Jodi Applegate is what makes this whole thing worth watching.  I used to enjoy her when she was on "Come On, Wake Up New York" on Fox 5.  I'd love to know why she left.  Then she was at News 12 Long Island, but now she's back in the Big City.  Did you ever see that thing on Youtube where those two losers tried to punk her by cutting a bike chain?  And they had the fake blood?  And she totally lost it?  "We'll be right back after this.  That was not cool, dude."  Well, back to present day, she makes it look easy. Big fan.

So that's it.  Now to the staff of PIX 11, should you stumble across this article, do the right thing: Hire me as a producer!  I can start tomorrow.

The rest of you?  If you haven't seen the show, tune in tonight!  And comment as you see fit.

PS-Another reason that PIX is my new Fox 5…..they got Seinfeld at 11!  That's right, and it's in glorious HD.  Make the switch!

Praise the Lard: Bonus Breasts

I've uncovered more information about Chick-fil-A.  Rather than edit it in to the existing article, I'm just going to create a new, much shorter post.

Check this out: On the subject of Chick-fil-A and Connecticut, did you know that the co-administrator of the restaurant's Facebook fan page is a Connecticut resident?  Are you f-ing kidding me?  The page has 4,192,650 fans at press time.  (Actually make that 4,192,651…..I just signed up)  Read the AdWeek article here if you don't believe me.

It's amazing.  They were going to try and claim the site from Brandy Bitzer, but decided she was such a rabid fan that they would share administrative duties with her instead.  So let me get this straight: The site admin is from Connecticut, but we can't have a restaurant here?  That blows my mind.  Bitzer, you got any pull?  Let's get a Chick-fil-A up in this piece!  Don't make me sic the Enforcer Army on you.

Shot stolen from some wedding photographer

One girl who is apparently a Connecticut wedding photographer came up with a convoluted way to transport a Chick-fil-A sandwich from New Jersey back to the Nutmeg State for her boyfriend.  Read her story here.  A for effort, but I'd probably just end up eating everything in the parking lot.  The boyfriend should put down the Playstation and get his own food, right?

Enough talk.  At this point, I have one foot out the door on a mission to Paramus.  It's delicious, bitch!

Praise the Lard: A Special Report

So I just got back from vacation in the South. Not much happened. I did see Kathy Griffen in Savannah with my wife, sister and a bunch of gays and lesbians.  I was informed that I was one of four straight guys in the audience. She picked us out of the crowd by our baseball caps and ill-fitting clothing. I will gladly pay good money any night of the week to hear someone get on stage and talk sh*t about Oprah and her stupid finale.  Plus she took a dump on Travolta, Kelly Preston, Elizabeth Hasselback, Kirstie Alley and a ton of other celebs I can't stand.

Bravo, Kathy.

We're Not Here To Talk About Griffen

So let's move on to what this article is about: Chick-fil-A. That wonderful fast food chain that claims to have invented the chicken sandwich. Now in my mind, the restaurant has always had a "Southern" stigma. "Oh yeah, that's that place you see when you're down in South Carolina, right". But not so fast:  A check of their website and wikipedia reveals that they are now in 39 states! That's right, you've got 'em in Massachusetts, Jersey, New Hampshire, but WTF….no Connecticut!  Apparently, there's even on in New York City in of all places NYU???????  But that covert location is only open sometimes?  Anyone with info on that, please get back to me, thank you!  UPDATE  Actually, I found this quick review on Yelp.com:

"The Chick-fil-A on the NYU campus is a well guarded secret. I'm pretty sure that you're technically supposed to be a student to get in, but the 2 people sitting at desks at the door never seem to be carding so for now it's a non-issue."


?????  What?  I don't have time to get into this, nor do I even know where to start. Future article.  Let's just move on, shall we?

Back to my story:  I ate at Chick-fil-A like 3 or 4 times last week.  While I was out in the field doing (ahem) research, reporter Kat Von R was busy gathering data from the most reliable source on Earth: the internet. She found a few interesting tidbits.

Apparently, I'm not the only one concerned about why the restaurant won't set up shop in good ol' CT. Check out this mind blowing response from Chick-fil-A posted on a message board:


"There are currently no plans to develop a Chick-fil-A Restaurant in Connecticut. Each year, we receive literally hundreds of requests from customers regarding possible locations at or near which they would like to see a Chick-fil-A Restaurant. Although we appreciate our customers' input, our Chick-fil-A Restaurant new opening locations are determined internally through our own market research after thoughtful analysis."


Huh?  Whycome the hate for the Nutmeg State?  "Internally" leads me to believe this is some kind of "case closed" argument.   Is it a religious thing?  Do the Southern Christian religious types have something against the Puritanical leanings of us Connecticutters?  (Yes, it's a word now)  These guys crossed the Mason Dixon line to build new, so why omit Connecticut from the fun?

Is it a tax thing?  Is setting up a business in Connecticut too much of a hassle?  Hell, you can't buy alcohol on Sundays, I would think a restaurant that closes shop on the holy day would fit right in. I see rich people throwing money hand over fist at places like Burgers Shakes and Fries.  You don't think a Chick-fil-A in Greenwich or Darien wouldn't be epic?  It would be a license to print money.  At the very least, put one in the food court at the Stamford Town Center.  That place is a ghost town, right?

Uh Oh, Here We Go

One thing I want to touch lightly upon is the whole anti gay controversy surrounding Chick-fil-A.  Don't mention this restaurant around your lefty friends w/o expecting a firm "talking to":  "Oh Scott, you can't eat there.  We found out they don't support gay marriage."  So let's do a reality check here for a second:  The restaurant is owned and run by Southern Baptists.  Were you expecting them to embrace any kind of alternative lifestyle with open arms?  Hello?  Bing bong!

On that note, who was the Woodward & Burnstein that blew this case wide open?  Gee, religious chicken restaurant *may* have supported a marriage seminar with homophobic tendencies.  Didn't see that one coming.  Bombshell.

All I know is they make a great chicken sandwich, the price is right and they have great indoor playgrounds that my kid loves.  And the staff is nice to me and refills my lemonade.  Haters, keep your politics out of my fast food experience!  I have so little joy in my life. Just let me have this one thing.  Please?

No pun intended, but Chick-fil-A plays it pretty straight.  Kat and I had a laugh over the extremely simple chicken sandwich they present.  Two pickles and a bun, unless you ask otherwise.  I guess fancy fusion mayo would be blasphemous, right?  The waffle fries are as crazy as they get.

This is kind of off topic, but it drives me up the wall:  The founder of the company is named S. Truett Cathy.  I HATE HATE HATE when a person abbreviates his first name with just the initial.  What the hell is that about anyways?  How bout' either you use the name your mama gave you, or just drop it and go with the middle name you seem to like so much.  No stupid initial!  Another example would be M. Emmet Walsh, but he was great in Blade Runner and Fletch, so we'll let him off the hook.

There Is Another

Yes, as the subtitle emplies, there is another choice, a Princess Leia to Chick Fil A's Luke Skywalker:  Zaxby's.  A damn fine chicken establishment if I do say so myself.  And you will most certainly find me there on Sundays.  (Their sales must spike on the 7th day, I'd love to see some numbers.) The Zax Sauce may be laced with crack cocaine.  It's delicious and highly addictive.

Now Zaxby's, I can pretty much surmise, is found exclusively in Southern regions. But if we can't get the Fil A to head to CT, maybe someday Zaxby's would be willing to step in?  Do they have any political agendas that I need to know about?

In Closing

At the end of the day (or lunchtime!), I really don't care.  All I know is I love Chick-fil-A.   It just gives me something to look forward to when I am going back down South.  And more incentive to move out of this Godforsaken, taxed-to-sh*t state that I am growing to hate more and more each day.  You know, if they put a Chick-fil-A in CT, they'd probably find a way to screw it up anyways.  And of course it would be overpriced, which defeats the whole purpose.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm driving to Paramus, wherever the hell that is.