Monday, June 20, 2011

Ooooh, A Celebrity Died…Let's Facebook It!

In an effort to the the first to report, I may have screwed up a few of the facts.

I'm breaking in here with a special report.  This blog presents itself as a (satirical) guide to Fairfield County, but lately it's more of a disgusting dissection of Facebook.  We all know that we can break avid Facebookers down into little categories.  Let's talk about a certain faction today:

We all have those morbid "friends" who are first to post up on the Social Network when a celebrity leaves this mortal coil.  It must be some kind of euphoric rush for them to be the "first" to let the rest of us know the news.  I don't think they want to engage in any kind of deep discussion behind the demise of Macho Man Randy Savage, Jeff Conaway or Clarence Clemons.  It's more about getting the information out to their people and being the first to do so.  These computerized Kevorkians (I know, he just died too!) are junking up my news feed with information I've already got.

Not dead
Case & point: A few months ago, Poly Styrene from the punk band X Ray Specs passed away.  Sad news for fans, friends and family.  But WTF….why were so many of my Facebook friends posting up the obit link?  You cannot tell me that that many people were actively listening to "Germ Free Adolescents", were they?  You were?  Well OK, fair enough.

Can you imagine how apeshit-crazy Facebook is going to be if Ian McKaye or Henry Rollins ever bite the big one?

Bottom line is, I think there's a bunch of people who want to play news reporter-slash-grim reaper.  Not necessary.  Here's a newsflash:  We're all familiar with the *rest* of the Internet besides Facebook.  Believe you me, I've seen it already.  There are plenty of news sites that I heard it from before you posted it on Facebook.

My mandate:  If you feel compelled to post an obit to Facebook, I want you to include a two page essay on why the celebrity death means so much to you.  Otherwise, just keep posting pictures of your cat.

Now on the other hand, when Earnest Thomas passes away, you have my full permission to discuss it all over the Internet.  He's still alive right?  Has anyone heard from him lately?


  1. God forbid re: Ernest. I have seen him, on "everbody Hates Chris" a few years ago and while I was so happy to see him working and being a great character, he had something wrong with his eye. Anyone else ever notice? Like it looked fake. I was so upset when we lost Shirley then Re-Run. Thank god we still have Dwayne and Raj, and of course little Earle! As for celeb deaths. I am really only interested in gruesome ones, like Elliot Smith, or this other guy that walked out at Jones Beach and never came back. Mysteries.......that sicko from Hogan's Heroes. That sort of thing. Just a simple heart attack or other natural causes or drug overdose isn't that interesting. Wrestlers going ape and killing family, now that's fascinating. Sweet Ryan Dunn reminds me of our (Philly fans) beloved Pele Lindbergh (Flyers Goalie) also killed while speeding in his porsche. Only he didn't die in a fiery crash. Probably this isn't a terrible way to go because you don't remember anything, hit your head and that's it. Being identified by tattoos and facial hair is pretty awful. But I bet he didn't feel anything. People are actually posting that this death is a stunt. Now that's stoopid. I wish it were true.

  2. Investigation pays off:
    Ernest Thomas has an eye condition called amblyopia. Let's hope it isn't fatal!

  3. Horrible name for a band: Raj's Good Eye or Eye of Raj. Just something with 'Raj' and 'eye' in there.