I Can't Believe The Price (You'd) Pay

I’m more aggravated than a liberal hipster who just heard someone mention the Monsanto Corporation over some overpriced bullshit.  What are we plagued with on the evening news?  A smattering of “in these trying times” and “ financial troubles from Wall Street to Main Street”.  Well, apparently someone has some disposable income, namely your average metalhead.


Get this:  I was watching an Agnostic Front video that someone linked on Facebook which had a banner ad running for a concert event known as “The Big 4” at Yankee Stadium.  Hmmmm…..  This concert features perennial heavy hitters Megadeth, Anthrax, Slayer and Metallica.  And no, you haven’t stumbled into a time machine and been transported to the year 1988. It’s 2011, but somehow these bands still have universal appeal.  Perhaps more so now than 20 years ago.

As for this promo poster, it's a fairly crappy layout.  You know what would have been cool?  If they got Pushead to draw up some rotting corpse in a ripped up baseball outfit. What we've got here is about as pedestrian as it gets.


Wait, where was I?  


Would I like to go to this concert?  Hell f’n yeah, I would!  So let's jump on tickemaster.com and see what the average ticket is going for.  First off, the “cheap”  $90 nosebleed tickets are long gone.  So I put a speculative request in for any available tickets.  You can see the screen shot below for the breakdown.

Ouch.  $239.60.  Plus I’m sure there would be a shit-ton of taxes and surcharges tacked on top of that, right????  Now maybe I'm out of touch with what a concert ticket should cost and maybe I'm just a fuddy-duddy (teeheeheehee)  Am I wrong, or is this just an INSANE amount to be spending on a bunch of retro heavy metal bands????


Slightly off topic, didja ever notice when you go to sporting events or concerts, the lowest common denominator always has WADS OF CASH?  Ever heard of a bank?  Apparently the week's entire paycheck is cashed out and in pocket so drunk dude can buy plenty of beer, hotdogs and any other snacks that vendors are hawking.  And $45 t-shirts.

So who’s getting rich off this Big $ Concert?  (I'll bet most of the loot is going straight to that Lars Ulrich.  What a dick he is!) These are insanely stupid-high prices to see some thrashin’.  And most of these tickets have been snapped up, I would assume at this time by the sleazy power wolf ticket brokers.  But they will find buyers.


Now if these tickets are in such demand (call me crazy here)  Don't you think MULTIPLE SHOWS wold be a good idea?  How 'bout wait until the Yanks are out of town for a few days (No, I'm not about to look up their schedule) and book like 4 or 5 nights in a row.  Perhaps that might bring down those ticket prices.

God God (Or should I say Good Satan?)  At least I got to see Slayer at Toad’s Place where the fans ripped down that stupid chain link divider between the bar area and the kid’s section.  Now that was some good fun at a reasonable price. 

As for this concert, I pray that Yankee Stadium gets annihilated by a bunch of drunken Hessians.  That’ll teach the Pinstripe Empire to be part of this outlandish mugging.  And at this point, it's probably just sour grapes, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and predict that no matter where you're sitting, the sound is gonna SUCK in the house that uncouth built.

BTW, I love the har-larious reader comments on brooklynvegan.com:

“More like the OLD four. Seeing old dudes play metal is hilarious, almost as funny as aging rappers.”
As much as this makes me chuckle, I must say those who choose to ignore (or make fun of) the past are doomed to play and listen to average, forgettable music.

The Thing That Should Not She: Misstallica

After an endless series of whining, complaining, bitching and moaning ("boo f*cking hoo"…you got the reference, right?) I'm pleased to report I'm happy about something.

Went to see my friend's band play at the local tavern on Friday but I got there too late and missed their set.

But get this: Headlining the evening was an All Girl Metallica Cover Band. I'm not kidding. In fact, I was so sure no one would believe me that I busted out my phone and took some pictures to prove it.

Yes, I saw Misstallica.

The have a Facebook page where they describe themselves as "an all chick Metallica tribute band". When I walked into the bar, I think they were playing Fight Fire With Fire. Maybe it was Ride the Lightning. It was something from that album. The lead gal, I guess the "James Hetfield" of the operation, was wearing a Death t-shirt. OK, things are off to a great start. I'd also like to add that she was performing double duties, playing most of Hammett's solos.

These girls have pushed the female species forward by about 50 years. While the rest of you dopey broads are walking on a stairmaster to nowhere or looking for the latest deals on Groupon, the ladies of Misstallica are busy learning the dual guitar complexities of Orion and the double bass work of Trapped Under Ice. These ladies might not be Living Social, but they do know To Live Is To Die.

I really had a hard time grasping what I saw. I remember Metallica being hot sh*t with most burnouts in shop class at my high school. In the 1980's! How is it that they've managed to transcend both time and gender and be popular with a bunch of girls that couldn't be older than 20? And believe you me, these girls were hitting all the crazy hammer-ons and odd time signatures like nobody's business. I can grasp the concept of some teenage dungeons and dragons dude sitting in his bedroom getting stoned and trying to learn the solo to Battery. But a bunch of chicks? Really?????? Not that I'm not totally for this sort of thing. Did I mention they performed Orion? How many all-girl ensembles do you think were playing the song Orion on the night of May 6th? And doing it well? Not many, I'd say. The drummer's double bass work was exceptional. Made me feel like a complete idiot.

Now OK, they weren't 100% tight and the guitars could have used a tuning between songs. They hit a few clams (heh heh) but for the most part, things sounded pretty good. They do need to put a little more accentuation (Is that a word? It's a word, right? I'm going with it, spellcheck didn't flag it.) between chorus and verse. Everything seemed to meld together at times like they were just going through the motions. And at first it was like, "Cool!" But at times, the novelty started wearing thinner than Lars Ulrich's hairline.

But honestly, hearing the girls play these songs really made me realize how f*cking awesome and heavy-hittng the original incarnation of Metallica was. I mean, the speedy riffs, tempo changes and occasional odd time signatures….they weren't exactly the laziest of bands, were they? Good memories from the 80's…..let's forget about Re-Load, shall we?

Oh wait, back to Misstallica. I'm reading the rest of the Facebook writeup: "With a slightly different lineup we are also Queen Diamond the (mostly) Female Tribute Band to King Diamond and Mercyful Fate" Oh, come on! We've just gone from the sublime to the ridiculous.

I'm throwing this request out to the internet world: An all female Carcass tribute band. And be hot, dammit!